True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
