He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
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