i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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