Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
