He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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