Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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