i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
