i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
