She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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