Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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