1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
