i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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