well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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