my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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