I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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