I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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