The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
