watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
