I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
