eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm really busy with my period
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