Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I still have a little drunk in my system
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
