I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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