elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
