addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
