Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
