im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
