Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
