Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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