next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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