I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
