When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
