do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
