drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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