well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
