Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
