Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
