your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
