its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
