You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize