It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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