Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
