Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
