she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
