My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
