I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
