Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
