Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sarcasm needs its own font
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
