i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
