Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
