Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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