i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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