1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So much Jack, so little girl.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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