We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
