You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
