She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
