Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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