1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
