I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
dude. I can hear the air.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
