the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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