we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize