I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize