new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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