ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
