So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
